


riku’s puzzlement

by shitory



Category: Naruto
Genre: Canon Divergence, Confusion, Crack, Gen, Kurama is a troll, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:34:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23359345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shitory/pseuds/shitory
Summary: In which Kurama is a time-traveling troll, as observed by chunin Riku(ft. that asshole, Kaito)
Relationships: Kyuubi | Nine-tails | Kurama & Uzumaki Naruto, Namikaze Minato/Uzumaki Kushina
Comments: 14
Kudos: 105





	riku’s puzzlement

**Author's Note:**

> yet again, take note this is wildly AU cause i have only watched until ep 110 and thus don’t know how things actually played out
> 
> (also kushina has safely given birth, unlike in the manga i think?? and naruto is safe elsewhere)

“You humans are idiots.” The Kyubi no Kitsune says, paws tucked underneath its considerable bulk and all nine of its tails swishing lazily. A grin is stretched across its muzzle and its red eyes are half-lidded, no malice in sight. If Riku didn’t know any better, he’d have thought that the Biju was amused.  
  


“Really,” the fox continues, “If my own kit wasn’t human I’d have thought you couldn’t do any better.”  
  


Riku’s brain stalls.  
  


A human kit? As in a human child? Riku doesn’t know when the Kyubi came up this utter bullshit, but going by the disbelieving snorts and exclamations of the shinobi around him, no one takes too kindly to it.   
  


“Human kit?” Echoes the Hokage faintly, from where he’s perched on top of a half-decimated building with a redheaded kunoichi. His voice quiets the outrage of the shinobi immediately, because if there is one thing everyone has learned by now its this - shut your mouth and listen when he speaks.  
  


Riku is  _ really _ curious now, though, and he can see the same reflected in the eyes of everyone around him (even that asshole, Kaito, who stole his biscuits on their previous mission together).  
  


He cranes his neck and stands on his tippy toes to see the Hokage better, because he’s short, okay? He blinks when he realises the redhead has the Hokage’s (!!) arm in a deathgrip and is trembling faintly, hair floating around her like a viper ready to strike. Which, frankly, is kinda weird, Riku thinks, but he really can’t fault her for being scared, even if she is a jonin. He isn’t part of a clan, but he has heard enough stories from his friends and fellow chunin about the Kyubi no Kitsune and its deceitfulness to be wary. Considering the familiar way the redhead is gripping the Yondaime’s arm, she probably has a lot more info than he does.  
  


Riku’s attention is drawn back to the Kyubi when it hums, an ear flicking forward, “Hm. He’s part of the stupidest clan, too - an Uzumaki.” Its tone is very  _very_ smug. Riku doesn’t know how it can be when it literally just insulted its ‘kit’, but to each their own, he guesses.  
  


A sudden wave of spiked  _ sakki _ washes over him, and Riku winces. The shinobi around him (especially that asshole, Kaito), look distinctly pained, which makes the chunin puff up proudly. The Hokage’s limpet doesn’t faze  _him_.  
  


(Nevermind the fact that most of it is directed at the Kyubi, not him, who is in any case far enough away that it doesn’t really matter)  
  


Redhead releases the Hokage, who has wisely decided to stay quiet and not incur the wrath of a kunoichi out for blood, and takes a step closer to the giant fox lounging away merrily in the middle of a district it destroyed.Her  _ sakki  _ cranks up a notch, and she practically snarls, “ _Oh?_ And here I thought  _ I _ was the last one!” Riku almost pities the Kyubi.  _ No one_, not even a being of chakra and hatred, deserves being subjected to that much sarcasm.  
  


“Nah,” It drawls, cupping its face with one clawed paw and propping it up by the elbow. The other paw (hand?) comes up, four claws extended, “There’s still Uzumaki Nagato in Ame,” one claw goes down, “Uzumaki Karin and her mother in Kusa,” two claws, “and obviously Senju Tsunade is one through her grandmother.”  
  


The Biju tucks its paw back under its body, rolling one shoulder languidly, “Of course, those are only the ones my kit has told me about, but I don’t doubt there are a lot more out there than you think.”  
  


Riku blinks slowly, resisting the urge to gape. The Kyubi has said it all so simply, yet Redhead is trembling even more strongly now, hair writhing wildly. She looks absolutely  _ gobsmacked_, like her entire worldview has been flipped around. Riku can see the Hokage eyeing her worriedly, looking like he’s seconds away from just picking her up and spiriting her away to safety. He refrains, though, stepping forward to press his shoulder against Redhead’s reasuringly. And  _ ohhh_, Redhead is  _Uzumaki Kushina_ ,  the Hokage’s _wife_ ,  also known as the  _Akai Chishio no Habanero_.  Riku feels really, _really_ stupid for not recognising her until now.  
  


“What do you want?” The Hokage says flatly. The Kyubi responds by leering at him, waggling its eyebrows at him, “Oh, nothing,” It says, then stands up, muscles rippling beneath gleaming red fur, and takes one big leap farther away, paws eating up the distance. Riku startles, is aware of the shinobi (especially that asshole, Kaito) startling and the Hokage and his wife jerking backwards to avoid the dust that the Biju has kicked up.  
  


Riku frowns, because the Kyubi has been very civil up until now, but when he peers at its face when it turns to look over its shoulder at them from where its standing almost a mile away, its eyes are narrowed into a glare, ears pinned back and mouth pulled into a snarl. Riku is just wondering if its changed its mind about eating them, when its expression abruptly clears up and it smirks.  
  


“Seeing as I can’t, take care of Naru-kit for me, _Blondaime, Tomatohead!_ ”  
  


With that baffling statement, the Kyubi leaps away quickly, cackling, Uzumaki’s sudden cursing and the Hokage’s loud wheezing (reminiscent of a dying cat) left in its wake. Riku is very,  _ very  _ confused.


End file.
